then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
