If i come over, it means nothing
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
