i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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