It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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