Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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