I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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