I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
