apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
