i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
