I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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