I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
