Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
