She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
