im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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