i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
