This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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