My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize