Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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