her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
