Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
