the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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