a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
