all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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