this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
