Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
