is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
