I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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