please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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