I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
