Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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