Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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