I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
