We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
