Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
