first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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