So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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