Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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