you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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