bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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