at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
