i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
