i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
