hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
