apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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