why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
