Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
