I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
