I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
