I'm so fucking centered right now
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
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She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
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Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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