VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
