If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
