My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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