soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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