3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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