the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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