omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
