i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
