Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
