Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
