never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
