I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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