Umm I'm too high to move.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
