I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
