I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize