I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
