So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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