You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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