yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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