Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
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