Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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