My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
