Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic