I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
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Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
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I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.