Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket