I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.