You just made me feel so damn special
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
These Are The 21 Strangest Sexual Fantasy Confessions
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina