My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
