I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
