Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
