A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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