I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
